My Sincere/Passive-Agressive/Blatantly Sarcastic List of Thank You's.

Today I realized that I may never get to thank all of the famous people that have inspired me.  And also the ones that I would like to passive-aggressively slap in the face. So I'm going to thank them vicariously through this post. Here it goes.

Audrey Hepburn, thank you for being perfect. 

Next up, Miley.  Miley. Miley, Miley, Miley. I would like to personally thank you for proving that once you go Disney, you can indeed go back-- even if you broke some achey-breaky-hearts in the end, and demolished the chances of young girls ever respecting themselves, and stole Pink's hair cut, and made us all feel awkward watching the VMA's, and I know this is a run-on sentence but I can't stop (that was not supposed to be a pun).  Anyway, you go girl!  

This one goes out to Chris Brown.  Thank you for having such great anger management skills. So you slip up and punch someone in the face every other night.. big deal. 

This is a big one: lets take this time to express our gratitude to Mr. Ryan Seacrest. Thanks Ryan, for bringing us the Kardashians, whom help us little folk realize how fortunate we are to have normal speaking voices, sexual integrity, and zero plastic surgery debt.  Also, they're majorly entertaining, and a great outlet for my sisters boredom. We gotta give snaps to Ryan (if you don't get this 'Clueless' reference, stop what you're doing and go educate yourself. I know you have netflix).

Emma Watson, thank you for giving men unrealistic expectations for females, and giving women unrealistic hair expectations. 

Ryan. Gosling. Thank you Ryan Gosling, for being Ryan Gosling. 

To the writers of Full House, I'd like to thank you all for letting us know that its okay for our weird single uncle who plays with puppets to come and live with us.  

And finally, Tina Fey. Thank you for being hilarious, and giving me hope for my future. And also for writing Mean Girls… 

xo

laurie

Old Lady Sports.

The following article could be considered offensive to your gradmother, and for that I apologize.

If you know myself or my family at all, you know that the closest we come to athletic is Wii tennis (disclaimer: this is NOT an insult to you die hard “Wii tennis athletes” out there. Please continue to rock the cyber court). Anyway, my life pretty much consisted of dodging gym class and praying that no one would try to throw me a football.  After not having played ANY sports in high school I was itching at the chance to continue to not play sports in college. Yes, you have read that correctly. In my attempts to remain as non-athletic as possible and clutch on to my dignity as hard as I can, I realized something: the majority of the simple joys in my life are astonishingly similar to those of an elderly women (which makes for a great reason for boys not to date me). I like to call these activities “Old Lady Sports”.

You’re probably all wondering what activites are involved in Old Lady Sports.  Well, I can tell you this much-- it’s definitely not football, and definitelly not soccer, and most definitelly not lava ball (I just made that up, but it sounds fun). Old Lady Sports are exercises of the mind. 

I first realized I was an Old Lady Athlete when I found myself excited to see an info-mercial and the time I almost purchased an “as seen on TV” product. I  cannot tell a lie, I came pretty close that day.  The next sign that I was morphing into a Golden Girl was when I learned to knit-- which may or may not have happened three days ago. Lets just say, Im excited to finish this article so that I can start again... We’ll leave it at that.  I also have an obsession with hot tea, which is basically cat-nip for old ladies (I dont know what you’re picturing right now, but it scares me and I’m sorry).  Lastly, I knew I was a pre-mature Gramz when I was far too interested in the BINGO Night Flyer in Chick-Fil-A.  

I will forever own my label as an Old Lady Athlete, I will continue to exercise my mind with knitting and prey on TV bargains.  For these things I am not ashamed.  

xo
laurie

My Sixth Grade Google Horror Story.

So, as many of you know, on the eighth day (after He created unicorns and Nutella) God created the most wonderful tool man has ever possessed. Google. 

Google is the number one source for all of the worlds most pressing questions. 

-a brief example of some of the worlds most pressing questions:

"What is twerking?"
"What does it mean when you're scared of Chinese people?"
"Why is my goldfish turning black?"
"How to raise your IQ by eating gifted children."
and finally, (my personal favorite)
"What's a good Amish dating website?"

Obviously, Google has the answers for everything. Which is why I didn't hesitate for a second when I was presented with this situation in the sixth grade: 

As I sat tall in Mrs. McMeanLady’s Science class (names have been changed for privacy reasons), I overheard a conversation between the three popular gals-- lets just call them "the Amanda’s" to save time.  Now, the Amanda’s sole purpose in life had three parts. One, scrunched hair. Two, Myspace. Three, to make Laurie Seifert's life a living hell.  So, naturally, I was put at a table with all three of these girls according to Mrs. McMeanLady’s seating chart.  One day as I tried and tried again to wrap my mind around the Water Cycle, in my full Old Navy overall get-up and Corey Matthews curls, I overheard the Amanda’s conversation.  This conversation however, was unlike any I had heard before.  It wasn’t the usual dialogue concerning a broken choker necklace or Danny Michaelson’s new pair of Nikes. No. This one was different. They were talking about Mrs. McMeanLady, and they used a word I had never heard before. Cellulite. 

Cellulite. I said it over and over again in my head trying to figure out what it could be.  After pondering for a while and coming up with nothing, I made the brave decision to write it down on the inside corner of my polar bear folder.  After all, I couldn’t write it on my hand, It could’ve been the equivalent of the 'F' word for all I knew.  

The last bell rang and I grabbed my backpack and headed out to my Moms mini-van as fast as I could. It had been hours since I heard this word and with each second it grew more and more mysterious.  As my Mom unlocked the front door to my house I ran in, threw my backpack on the ground, got in trouble, picked my backpack back up and took it to my room, THEN headed straight for the computer.  I was going to ask the ultimate source, Google.  I wasn’t exactly sure how to spell it so I went with something along the lines of “sellyulight”.  I knew it didn’t matter because I had faith that Google would know exactly what I meant-- and it did.  “Did you mean “What is Cellulite?”.  Why yes, Google, I did!  The great news is, Google is a genius. The bad news is that given the choice, I chose the Google Image search. 

You could imagine my surprise when the first pictures started to load and my mind was spinning with visions of old lady butts that looked like cottage cheese.  I immidiately shut off the computer screen and covered my eyes (like that was gonna get rid of the visual burned into my brain). I knew that if either of my parents saw me looking at butts they would definitely take away my Sega Dreamcast, and that was just unacceptable.  There was only one thing I could do, go up to my room, blast Spice World and try to forget. 

The next day in science class, I asked Mrs. McMeanLady if she could move my seat because the Amanda’s were distracing me.  She said no. (thats how she earned the name Mrs. McMeanLady) And from that day forward I tried and tried to tune out the conversations going on at my table full of Amanda’s. I got pretty good at it actually, and at the end of the year one of them even wrote in my yearbook “H.A.G.S. Church Gurl”... Well, it could’ve been worse. 

Moral of the story: 
tell your kids about searching things on Google--and warn them about sellyulight. 

xo
laurie

Style Spotlight ep.2

My girl Tori did it right today, mixing masculine and feminine styles. I absolutely adore this look! (I adore it so much that I'll ignore the fact that she's wearing a Patriots tee..ew) 

The contrast between the flannel, slouchy tee, and those pearls (that I'm about to steal right off of her neck) is a perfect way to amp up your relaxed saturday look.  She gets an A+ in my book. 

Tori's flannel was a steal from the beloved kingdom of Target (all hail). And her pearls are from J. Crew, purchased with a killer student discount when you present your student ID. 

Stay tuned for more Style Spotlights of people I meet in my day-to-day!

xo

laurie

Snow White and the Loofa Sponge: My Halloween on a budget.

What is Halloween for the artsy, trend-obsessed, trying-to-be-creative gal, you ask? DIY Costuming! (and pumpkin spice lattes-- but thats a given) 

So as I sat up on mischief night (not vandalizing my siblings homes, much to my dismay) and imagined all of the wonderful things that I could be, I realized two things:

1. I'm Broke. 

2. I have an 8AM class tomorrow. 

Put these things together and It equals the AC Moore clearance section and a DIY hangover tomorrow morning (ya gotta make sacrifices for costuming).  

SO. My pal Tori and I decided to make this "Halloween on a budget" the best it could be. Naturally, I decided that with my short dark hair, the ONLY option was Snow White, and Tori being.. well, Tori.. went with something a tad different-- a loofa sponge.  

With a little bit of "sale section" ribbon, elastic, wire, a whole lot'a mesh, a sewing kit, and a good amount of off-brand cereal, we created two stellar ETYABCSYCSDIY (Even Though You're A Broke College Student You Can Still Do It Yourself) costumes.

Ladies and Gents, I give you…

The Adventures of Sassy-Snow and the Loofa Sponge. 

(could make for a pretty good children's book) 

xo
laurie 

Want more info on how to make these killer creations? (I know you do) Comment below!