My Sincere/Passive-Agressive/Blatantly Sarcastic List of Thank You's.

Today I realized that I may never get to thank all of the famous people that have inspired me.  And also the ones that I would like to passive-aggressively slap in the face. So I'm going to thank them vicariously through this post. Here it goes.

Audrey Hepburn, thank you for being perfect. 

Next up, Miley.  Miley. Miley, Miley, Miley. I would like to personally thank you for proving that once you go Disney, you can indeed go back-- even if you broke some achey-breaky-hearts in the end, and demolished the chances of young girls ever respecting themselves, and stole Pink's hair cut, and made us all feel awkward watching the VMA's, and I know this is a run-on sentence but I can't stop (that was not supposed to be a pun).  Anyway, you go girl!  

This one goes out to Chris Brown.  Thank you for having such great anger management skills. So you slip up and punch someone in the face every other night.. big deal. 

This is a big one: lets take this time to express our gratitude to Mr. Ryan Seacrest. Thanks Ryan, for bringing us the Kardashians, whom help us little folk realize how fortunate we are to have normal speaking voices, sexual integrity, and zero plastic surgery debt.  Also, they're majorly entertaining, and a great outlet for my sisters boredom. We gotta give snaps to Ryan (if you don't get this 'Clueless' reference, stop what you're doing and go educate yourself. I know you have netflix).

Emma Watson, thank you for giving men unrealistic expectations for females, and giving women unrealistic hair expectations. 

Ryan. Gosling. Thank you Ryan Gosling, for being Ryan Gosling. 

To the writers of Full House, I'd like to thank you all for letting us know that its okay for our weird single uncle who plays with puppets to come and live with us.  

And finally, Tina Fey. Thank you for being hilarious, and giving me hope for my future. And also for writing Mean Girls… 

xo

laurie

Old Lady Sports.

The following article could be considered offensive to your gradmother, and for that I apologize.

If you know myself or my family at all, you know that the closest we come to athletic is Wii tennis (disclaimer: this is NOT an insult to you die hard “Wii tennis athletes” out there. Please continue to rock the cyber court). Anyway, my life pretty much consisted of dodging gym class and praying that no one would try to throw me a football.  After not having played ANY sports in high school I was itching at the chance to continue to not play sports in college. Yes, you have read that correctly. In my attempts to remain as non-athletic as possible and clutch on to my dignity as hard as I can, I realized something: the majority of the simple joys in my life are astonishingly similar to those of an elderly women (which makes for a great reason for boys not to date me). I like to call these activities “Old Lady Sports”.

You’re probably all wondering what activites are involved in Old Lady Sports.  Well, I can tell you this much-- it’s definitely not football, and definitelly not soccer, and most definitelly not lava ball (I just made that up, but it sounds fun). Old Lady Sports are exercises of the mind. 

I first realized I was an Old Lady Athlete when I found myself excited to see an info-mercial and the time I almost purchased an “as seen on TV” product. I  cannot tell a lie, I came pretty close that day.  The next sign that I was morphing into a Golden Girl was when I learned to knit-- which may or may not have happened three days ago. Lets just say, Im excited to finish this article so that I can start again... We’ll leave it at that.  I also have an obsession with hot tea, which is basically cat-nip for old ladies (I dont know what you’re picturing right now, but it scares me and I’m sorry).  Lastly, I knew I was a pre-mature Gramz when I was far too interested in the BINGO Night Flyer in Chick-Fil-A.  

I will forever own my label as an Old Lady Athlete, I will continue to exercise my mind with knitting and prey on TV bargains.  For these things I am not ashamed.  

xo
laurie