My Sincere/Passive-Agressive/Blatantly Sarcastic List of Thank You's.

Today I realized that I may never get to thank all of the famous people that have inspired me.  And also the ones that I would like to passive-aggressively slap in the face. So I'm going to thank them vicariously through this post. Here it goes.

Audrey Hepburn, thank you for being perfect. 

Next up, Miley.  Miley. Miley, Miley, Miley. I would like to personally thank you for proving that once you go Disney, you can indeed go back-- even if you broke some achey-breaky-hearts in the end, and demolished the chances of young girls ever respecting themselves, and stole Pink's hair cut, and made us all feel awkward watching the VMA's, and I know this is a run-on sentence but I can't stop (that was not supposed to be a pun).  Anyway, you go girl!  

This one goes out to Chris Brown.  Thank you for having such great anger management skills. So you slip up and punch someone in the face every other night.. big deal. 

This is a big one: lets take this time to express our gratitude to Mr. Ryan Seacrest. Thanks Ryan, for bringing us the Kardashians, whom help us little folk realize how fortunate we are to have normal speaking voices, sexual integrity, and zero plastic surgery debt.  Also, they're majorly entertaining, and a great outlet for my sisters boredom. We gotta give snaps to Ryan (if you don't get this 'Clueless' reference, stop what you're doing and go educate yourself. I know you have netflix).

Emma Watson, thank you for giving men unrealistic expectations for females, and giving women unrealistic hair expectations. 

Ryan. Gosling. Thank you Ryan Gosling, for being Ryan Gosling. 

To the writers of Full House, I'd like to thank you all for letting us know that its okay for our weird single uncle who plays with puppets to come and live with us.  

And finally, Tina Fey. Thank you for being hilarious, and giving me hope for my future. And also for writing Mean Girls… 

xo

laurie

Old Lady Sports.

The following article could be considered offensive to your gradmother, and for that I apologize.

If you know myself or my family at all, you know that the closest we come to athletic is Wii tennis (disclaimer: this is NOT an insult to you die hard “Wii tennis athletes” out there. Please continue to rock the cyber court). Anyway, my life pretty much consisted of dodging gym class and praying that no one would try to throw me a football.  After not having played ANY sports in high school I was itching at the chance to continue to not play sports in college. Yes, you have read that correctly. In my attempts to remain as non-athletic as possible and clutch on to my dignity as hard as I can, I realized something: the majority of the simple joys in my life are astonishingly similar to those of an elderly women (which makes for a great reason for boys not to date me). I like to call these activities “Old Lady Sports”.

You’re probably all wondering what activites are involved in Old Lady Sports.  Well, I can tell you this much-- it’s definitely not football, and definitelly not soccer, and most definitelly not lava ball (I just made that up, but it sounds fun). Old Lady Sports are exercises of the mind. 

I first realized I was an Old Lady Athlete when I found myself excited to see an info-mercial and the time I almost purchased an “as seen on TV” product. I  cannot tell a lie, I came pretty close that day.  The next sign that I was morphing into a Golden Girl was when I learned to knit-- which may or may not have happened three days ago. Lets just say, Im excited to finish this article so that I can start again... We’ll leave it at that.  I also have an obsession with hot tea, which is basically cat-nip for old ladies (I dont know what you’re picturing right now, but it scares me and I’m sorry).  Lastly, I knew I was a pre-mature Gramz when I was far too interested in the BINGO Night Flyer in Chick-Fil-A.  

I will forever own my label as an Old Lady Athlete, I will continue to exercise my mind with knitting and prey on TV bargains.  For these things I am not ashamed.  

xo
laurie

My Sixth Grade Google Horror Story.

So, as many of you know, on the eighth day (after He created unicorns and Nutella) God created the most wonderful tool man has ever possessed. Google. 

Google is the number one source for all of the worlds most pressing questions. 

-a brief example of some of the worlds most pressing questions:

"What is twerking?"
"What does it mean when you're scared of Chinese people?"
"Why is my goldfish turning black?"
"How to raise your IQ by eating gifted children."
and finally, (my personal favorite)
"What's a good Amish dating website?"

Obviously, Google has the answers for everything. Which is why I didn't hesitate for a second when I was presented with this situation in the sixth grade: 

As I sat tall in Mrs. McMeanLady’s Science class (names have been changed for privacy reasons), I overheard a conversation between the three popular gals-- lets just call them "the Amanda’s" to save time.  Now, the Amanda’s sole purpose in life had three parts. One, scrunched hair. Two, Myspace. Three, to make Laurie Seifert's life a living hell.  So, naturally, I was put at a table with all three of these girls according to Mrs. McMeanLady’s seating chart.  One day as I tried and tried again to wrap my mind around the Water Cycle, in my full Old Navy overall get-up and Corey Matthews curls, I overheard the Amanda’s conversation.  This conversation however, was unlike any I had heard before.  It wasn’t the usual dialogue concerning a broken choker necklace or Danny Michaelson’s new pair of Nikes. No. This one was different. They were talking about Mrs. McMeanLady, and they used a word I had never heard before. Cellulite. 

Cellulite. I said it over and over again in my head trying to figure out what it could be.  After pondering for a while and coming up with nothing, I made the brave decision to write it down on the inside corner of my polar bear folder.  After all, I couldn’t write it on my hand, It could’ve been the equivalent of the 'F' word for all I knew.  

The last bell rang and I grabbed my backpack and headed out to my Moms mini-van as fast as I could. It had been hours since I heard this word and with each second it grew more and more mysterious.  As my Mom unlocked the front door to my house I ran in, threw my backpack on the ground, got in trouble, picked my backpack back up and took it to my room, THEN headed straight for the computer.  I was going to ask the ultimate source, Google.  I wasn’t exactly sure how to spell it so I went with something along the lines of “sellyulight”.  I knew it didn’t matter because I had faith that Google would know exactly what I meant-- and it did.  “Did you mean “What is Cellulite?”.  Why yes, Google, I did!  The great news is, Google is a genius. The bad news is that given the choice, I chose the Google Image search. 

You could imagine my surprise when the first pictures started to load and my mind was spinning with visions of old lady butts that looked like cottage cheese.  I immidiately shut off the computer screen and covered my eyes (like that was gonna get rid of the visual burned into my brain). I knew that if either of my parents saw me looking at butts they would definitely take away my Sega Dreamcast, and that was just unacceptable.  There was only one thing I could do, go up to my room, blast Spice World and try to forget. 

The next day in science class, I asked Mrs. McMeanLady if she could move my seat because the Amanda’s were distracing me.  She said no. (thats how she earned the name Mrs. McMeanLady) And from that day forward I tried and tried to tune out the conversations going on at my table full of Amanda’s. I got pretty good at it actually, and at the end of the year one of them even wrote in my yearbook “H.A.G.S. Church Gurl”... Well, it could’ve been worse. 

Moral of the story: 
tell your kids about searching things on Google--and warn them about sellyulight. 

xo
laurie

Style Spotlight ep.2

My girl Tori did it right today, mixing masculine and feminine styles. I absolutely adore this look! (I adore it so much that I'll ignore the fact that she's wearing a Patriots tee..ew) 

The contrast between the flannel, slouchy tee, and those pearls (that I'm about to steal right off of her neck) is a perfect way to amp up your relaxed saturday look.  She gets an A+ in my book. 

Tori's flannel was a steal from the beloved kingdom of Target (all hail). And her pearls are from J. Crew, purchased with a killer student discount when you present your student ID. 

Stay tuned for more Style Spotlights of people I meet in my day-to-day!

xo

laurie

Snow White and the Loofa Sponge: My Halloween on a budget.

What is Halloween for the artsy, trend-obsessed, trying-to-be-creative gal, you ask? DIY Costuming! (and pumpkin spice lattes-- but thats a given) 

So as I sat up on mischief night (not vandalizing my siblings homes, much to my dismay) and imagined all of the wonderful things that I could be, I realized two things:

1. I'm Broke. 

2. I have an 8AM class tomorrow. 

Put these things together and It equals the AC Moore clearance section and a DIY hangover tomorrow morning (ya gotta make sacrifices for costuming).  

SO. My pal Tori and I decided to make this "Halloween on a budget" the best it could be. Naturally, I decided that with my short dark hair, the ONLY option was Snow White, and Tori being.. well, Tori.. went with something a tad different-- a loofa sponge.  

With a little bit of "sale section" ribbon, elastic, wire, a whole lot'a mesh, a sewing kit, and a good amount of off-brand cereal, we created two stellar ETYABCSYCSDIY (Even Though You're A Broke College Student You Can Still Do It Yourself) costumes.

Ladies and Gents, I give you…

The Adventures of Sassy-Snow and the Loofa Sponge. 

(could make for a pretty good children's book) 

xo
laurie 

Want more info on how to make these killer creations? (I know you do) Comment below! 

Who am I, you ask?

All'bout Laurie

for those of you who are afraid of paragraphs:

I’m Laurie-Gene. I’m a college student in NY. I’m gonna write about life. You can read it on here.

for those of you who like a good read:

My name is Laurie-Gene Seifert.  I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  I am 5’7’’ and I have brown eyes.  I was made for another world.  In my journey to find who I am, I’ve come to realize more about who I’m not.  I can tell you with complete and utter confidence that I am not a replica of my siblings or parents, I am not a stereotype or a product of society,  and I certainly am not an ordinary 20-year-old female. In my life, which has only just begun; I have won awards,  I have embarrassed myself,  I have experienced unreal and incredible things, I have lost friends to cancer, I have been given responsibilities, I have let people down, and I have held others up. I was born and raised by a soundtrack, everyday music has influenced my life in ways that most people could never comprehend.  Its brings me out of darkness on days I’d rather forget about, and it’s made every “ordinary” second an “extraordinary” one.  Although first and foremost my love is music, my heart cries out to those who cannot experience it’s beauty. Sign language and myself–  it was love at first sight.  I had an infectious need to learn more and to share it with everyone around me, and having the privilege of being a part of the Deaf Community is more than I could ever ask for.  I have many passions in my life,  including reading, creative writing, laughing, and Snapple peach iced tea.  However, one thing in particular that captures my attention is God’s people and His breath-taking creation.

for this blog:

I want to share my world with you.  I want to make you laugh and cry at the same time.  I want to talk about all the girly shenanigans. I want to show you the things I love in hopes that you might love them too.

for my future:

I hope to know more about life, and how to live it, I hope to be knowledgeable in all areas I know nothing about today, and I hope to become more and more creative in everything I do. I’d like to be in a place beyond my wildest dreams, happier than I can put into words, and confident enough to be the best giver of advice anyone could ask for. I hope to become the best version of myself and to be living my life everyday bringing glory to the God of the universe, never for a second being ashamed of it.  I hope to be exactly the woman I dream to be — to be a fighter, a lover, and a survivor, to live my life with boldness and adventure, to spread love and care to every corner of the world, and to stand out– always.

xo
laurie

E-mail- thelaurieavenue@gmail.com

Twitter- @lauriesparks_

Instagram- @laurseifert

Vine - laurie seifert

'Royals' Queen out-shined by PTX cover

I know you’ve all heard it.  The catchiest song on the charts and probably playing on the radio as we speak. ROYALS! Lorde is seriously hitting home in all of our lower/middle class hearts.  Admit it, you hear the lyrics and your all “oh. em. gee. it’s like she’s speaking to my soul” okay maybe not that serious.. But you know you sing along!  

ANYWAY. Truth is, this catchy chart topper has hit its peak and I’m pretty sure there’s a covered version thats about to rise up and out-shine the Royals Queen herself. 

Pentatonix also known as PTX is an a cappella group that’s on the rise to becoming grammy award winners (I can feel it in my bones!).  These five incredibly talented artists made their debut on The Sing Off (may it rest in peace..) in 2011.  Winning over the hearts of people everywhere with their mind-blowing arrangements and incredible charm– PTX, of course, the took the cake and were the champs that season.  Since their victory they have released an album, PTX Volume 1, and are on the way to releasing Volume 2.  In between their busy schedules they find time to arrange covers and medleys of our favorite songs for all of their so-called “pentaholics” (I am definitely one of them).  Recently, they released a stellar cover of Royals and everyone MUST hear it.  Led by vocalist Mitch, and accompanied with some killer back ups by Scott, Kirstie, Avi, and Kevin this song (in my humble opinion) beats the original any day.

Check it out for yourself RIGHT HERE! 

xo
laurie

Style Spotlight: ep.1

Style Spotlight Episode 1. 

Today I met Christie, and lets be honest– her situation was too good not to document. Those adorable feminine combat boots paired with the perfect color socks and a killer cuffed set of denims make for a major fall look– and don’t even get me started on that bag. To. Die. For.

Stay tuned for more Style Spotlights of people that I meet in my day-to-day!

xo 
laurie

Three reasons I know unicorns are real.

The real question we all should be asking (disregarding the origins of life and how ramen noodles can be both cheap AND delicious) is whether or not unicorns are real.  The great news is that I’m here to tell you that they are.  Here are three bullet proof theories to prove that our magical friends are really out there:

ONE! They’re in the Bible.

Unicorns. Yes, Unicorns. I repeat, you are not hallucinating. My friends, they’re in the Bible. Not only does the good book mention my mystical spirit animal once– but they’re in there SEVEN times. (and seven is a lucky number, so im just gonna go ahead and assume that means good things for this theory– ya dig?) Need the proof? Read’em and weep, or jump up and down with pure joy, thats what I’ll be doing. 

 Numbers 23:22 (KJV)

“God brought them out of Egypt; he hath as it were the strength of an unicorn.”

Deuteronomy 33:17 (KJV)

“His glory is like the firstling of his bullock, and his horns are like the horns of unicorns…”

Job 39: 9 (KJV)

Will the unicorn be willing to serve thee, or abide by thy crib?

Psalm 29:6 (KJV)

He maketh them also to skip like a calf; Lebanon and Sirion like a young unicorn.

Psalm 22:21 (KJV)

Save me from the lion’s mouth: for thou hast heard me from the horns of the unicorns.

Psalm 92:10 (KJV)

But my horn shalt thou exalt like the horn of an unicorn: I shall be anointed with fresh oil.

Isaiah 34:7 (KJV)

And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness.

Count’em, seven. I’m not making this stuff up!

TWO! They’re historical.

They are in SO many ancient legends and have shown up in writings and all kinds’a old stuff in a bunch of different cultures. I mean c’mon, you’re telling me that there are ancient discoveries in Chinese, Japanese, Indian, Greek, German, and Scottish cultures that all have Unicorns as a common denomenator and we still can’t admit that they’re real. 

All of your dreams are coming true.. I know. But I have one more point to make. 

THREE! Who the..?

My final statement is this: Who in their right mind would come up with the idea of a beautiful-majestic-magical-sparkling-white horse with a rainbow horn (and maybe wings.. wishful thinking.)? This insane picture could not have been created on purely human thought. Lets be honest, no human could dream up something as spectacular as a unicorn. No way. 

I dare you to deny their existence now. Ha! 

xo
laurie

Outfit of the Day: Introducing the Boots

(photography by anaproductions)

#OOTD

I am simply in love with my new MIA boots!  Got them for a steal at Marshalls (gotta love that bargain shopping), perfect for a little pop of color to brighten up a chilly overcast day.  

Paired with my beloved Abby Dawn army jacket and Kirra raspberry scarf for a relaxed day of classes and lunch by the Hudson. 

xo-laurie

First things first, lets talk about bein' a lady.

50 Pro-Tips on How to Dress Like a Lady. 

(as told by yours truly and in a completely bias opinion, hah!) 

1. You cannot not wear white between Labor Day and Memorial Day. You can wear ivory, cream, or “winter white”. Oldest rule in the book. Gotta respect the grandma’s.

2. Accessory usage should be limited to 2 (maybe 3) forms at a time.  Lets not take on the world with a necklace, earrings, bracelets, headband, ear cuff, and cocktail ring all at the same time.

3. If you are wearing heavy eye makeup you probably shouldn’t wear a bold lip color or vice versa. But hey, if you wanna rock the clown face, own it. Who am I to judge?

4. Dont wear “hooker” heels. And if you’re having trouble figuring out what that means– stick to flats.

5. Mixing softer styles with harder styles, can be a huge success but could also be an epic failure. Be tasteful, ladies.

6. Less is more. And I mean that figuratively.

7. Cut-outs are a trend. “destroyed” clothing is a fad. know the difference.

8. the size of a repeated pattern/print should never be larger than your fist.  We really don’t want to look like a tapestry.

9. Don’t wear animal print unless you’re sassy enough to pull it off– and don’t wear more than one at a time. Ever.

10. If you are wearing a shirt/dress that requires a certain type of bra–follow through.

11. You can totally wear brown shoes/belt with a black ensemble, provided the styles coincide.

12. If you are wearing a belt with a dress it WILL be worn at your natural waist. under NO circumstance will it be worn at the hips or the empire waist.

13. Fedora’s…. lets just not do that..

14. Do not take hair advice from Snooki, or any advice for that matter.

15. I know, I know, were not in the 50′s anymore– but sometimes ya gotta wear a slip.

16. Stockings are like $3, right? So lets not wear the ones with the runs in them.

17. do NOT wear stockings/tights with peep toe shoes. do not.

18. stay away from velcro at all costs. every cost. all of the costs. ever.

19. exposed zippers might be cool. I haven’t decided yet. (I guess this really isn’t a “pro-tip” then.. oh well)

20. Lets keep the Nike’s at the gym.

21. You will ALWAYS look better in the correct size!

22. Kitten heels are hideous and a cop out. always.

23. If you are purchasing clothing with built-in-sparkles you better be accepting social security.

24. Boots are fantastic. Uggs are not boots.

25. Your hoop earrings should not be a safety hazard. You know what they say about the bigger the hoop… (well, this is awkward)

26. Scarves are a gift from God.

27. Never wear overalls. Unless you’re a scarecrow, then it’s acceptable.

28. Clashing patterns is perfect. But lets not get carried away.

29. Sunglasses are for outside.

30. Know the roots of your vintage clothing.

31. Your purse doesn’t have to match.

32. Keep those toes painted.

33. Being professional does NOT mean you have to be bland.

34. t-strap shoes are SO underrated. 35. light and acid wash jeans are a no. period.

36. I shouldn’t know whether you shop at Victoria’s Secret or Aerie by the length of your skirt. Ya know what I mean..

37. Befriend your tailor and visit them often.

38. Wash your face twice a day!

39. Most people can’t pull of white pants. Remember that in the fitting room.

40. Peacoat’s and trench coats are wonderful. Own many, wear often.

41. Glasses are such a great accessory.

42. Oxford anything is a good thing

43. If you’ve seen it on the cast of gossip girl– it is encouraged

44. Unless you’re a movie-star in the 1930′s you don’t belong in fur.

45. If you can afford anything in Burberry plaid. seize the opportunity.

46. Fringe is relative. flapper fringe > hippie fringe > distressed fringe.

47. monokini’s always look cheap.

48. Eyebrows should not look like cartoons.

49. Flats are the perfect combination of pretty and cute.

50. Men’s wear for women could someday rule the world. That is, as long as we’re staying feminine and not.. butch.

xo
laurie